we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
