I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
