Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
