How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
