I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
