i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I didn't notice because vodka
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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