I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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