I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
