whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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