Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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