you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
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This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
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The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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