Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
