I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
