Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
