So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
