Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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