so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
