There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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