So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He felt like a one man threesome
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
