I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
