No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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