i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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