That's when you crack a 10am beer
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
