I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
