Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's blow job season.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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