i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
