Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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