Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
