he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
