perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
