McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
