Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize