When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
