I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
