Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
