No awkward lesbian experiences without me
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
