Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
