That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
