I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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