Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
