i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
