I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
