eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
