It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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