Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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