I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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