Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We left the knife in your bed.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
