this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
