so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
