two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
