Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
