I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
