he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
