matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
