It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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