I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
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is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
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I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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