He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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