Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?