I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!