but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
