we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.