I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
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well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
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This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.