I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
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I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
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When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.