I CAN MOONWALK!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.