These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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