i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
