Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm like, not good at living.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
