I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
