Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
