She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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