We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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