I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
