no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think your dad took our porno
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
