then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize