By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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