The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
