i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
