and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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